The Willow Tree 01 |09/26|

On Expectation & Perfection

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 I Listened to My "Willow Cloths" Playlist While Writing This Newsletter:  

Listen on Spotify

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Something to Think About:

I find myself face to face with the gentlest of impermanences. I typed up a long & beautiful flow to share with you--full of love & appreciation of life--only to have it gobbled up by the email drafting monsters, and it is now unrecoverable.

(but hey, email monsters need to eat too) 

This exposed in me that which was writing for the sake of reception, and though it took away the shared experience I expected to have with you all, it gifted me a beautiful one with myself. It was a perfect, completed process, yet those expectations grew a small, flowering grief within my heart.

And now, here we are. New words, new directions, new experiences. And with a lil luck, maybe these words will resonate with what's going on in your lives out there.

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Expectation

How do expectations shape our interpretation of reality? Are all the walls, detours, & trapdoors of life really getting in our way or are they freeing us from the "way" we've let calcify within? I think they often come to shake things up & help us to realign our compasses, taking us where we're really meant to go.

Far too often I'll think I'm stuck because the door in front of me is locked, only to find the window to my left's been open the whole time. Now, if I escape through that window but linger (mentally, emotionally) on that door that didn't open, I'm just keeping myself trapped in that room (those of you who came to the previous Artist Gathering saw me working on a piece that explores this concept). And we do this far more often than most of us realize. What awaits us if we let go of our role as the author of our lives? Would it be freeing? Would life be more fluid? Or would we lose our "self" & direction? 

What awaits the being who lets go of expectation? Who takes inspired action, but allows the action to evolve by an agency of its own? 

A few months ago I dreamt of this subject. I received a chickadee as a gift. It rested in my palm and upon my shoulder. I went outside to create, and it sat next to me in the grass. When it came time for me to return inside, I reached for my friend, but it bit my thumb and flew a short distance away. The closer I got, the further it flew. 

The chickadee was an idea, or an inspired action. Upon taking it outside (bringing the idea into the world), it no longer had a place within my home (myself). I tried to control it, to keep it & own it. But it was always a sentient, independent being and my job was merely to bring it outside so that it may live. It was never meant to come back to my space, only to pass through. 

Where do ideas come from? Where do they go? Are they ever really our own? What's our role in the process? Are we a shepherd or are we the author?

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Perfection 

I tend to find on the micro-scale, that everything in my life happens with such an intricate and subtle perfection that I could never write a more fitting storyline than the one I live. Every door leads me right where I need to go.

So it causes me to wonder, is life perfect? In its messiness, in its joy, pain, happiness, & suffering? In its oppression, injustice, imbalance, & wickedness? In its community, hope, love, & tenderness?

From where I stand, I don't know it to be so. I cannot see how war, violence, and hate are perfect. But if I can fail to see why the window is more suited to my life than the door in front of me, isn't it likely I lack the vantage point necessary to understand perfection on the largest scale? If that's the case, then who am I to say whether or not everything's got a perfect role in the dance. The righteous & evil alike.

This is a complex topic on the large scale. Suffering quickly becomes real and the consequences are harrowing. There's deep, deep suffering, oppression, and injustices out there everyday. Dark, cruel, & heart-breaking ways of treating fellow beings. We're all seeing it, feeling it, experiencing it. But theres also immense joy, wonder, love, & peace living within every breath, every moment of awareness, every sense perception, every moment we live as a human being. Here you are, reading a thought I have left for you, with my hands that live, move, breathe, ache, dance, create, & love. And as you read, your hands are existing too, and probably have been moving without your conscious control. Isn't that amazing? Every inch of you is alive. Radiant, expressive, loving, moving, living, growing, glowing, flowing. All with intelligence of its own, living out the most incredible & complex web of interconnected functions just to keep you alive so you can read this thought. Constantly dying, sustaining, & being reborn. Every moment is an expression of the miraculous nature of life. You are perfect, and you deserve to take a moment to sit and feel that. To feel how awe-inspiring it is that you are a living, thinking, acting being. And not only that, but so is this plant behind me. And the ant on my arm. And the birds outside. And, in its own way, even this table I write upon. Every moment it maintains its structure as a table--how wondrous is that! (Now I will say I have no evidence that it remains in table form when I leave the house but we won't get into that one just yet). And that all feels pretty darn perfect.

But in the grand image of it all, I can't say I know much at all about how things truly ought to be and why. So I find it useful to return to what we have immediate control over, that which is actionable in our own lives, and the way in which we perform those actions. 

With that in mind, I'd like to encourage two lanes of reflection.

I. The influence expectation has upon your life. Just noticing its role. See how and when it shows up, without the need to change it or force it away. Notice when your expectations are satisfied, notice when they're discontented. And after some time, reflect. 

II. Your understanding of perfection and its role on both the micro & macro levels of life.

This will be the topic of our Community Reflection on the 13th.

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Reflection Prompts

What role does expectation play in your life?

How does it show up?

From where does it arise?

What is it looking to serve?

What can our expectations tell us about the way we're living?

What can they reveal about our subconscious processes and motivations?

What are some obscure, less noticeable forms that expectation takes in our lives?

What is perfection? 

What is perfection on the individual level?

What would a perfect world look like?

Is any one being equipped to define a universal perfection?

If your life were a personalized curriculum, and you could see that it was tailored to what you needed when you needed it, would that be a perfect life? In all the ups, downs, & in-betweens?

And what if your life were a personalized curriculum tailored to that which you thought you most needed? How would this differ from the above? Would this make for a more perfect life?

How do you understand the role of self-authorship in life?

I look forward to exploring this further with you on the 13th :)

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Bonus Reflections: On the Self

Who is it who speaks when I say the word "I"? Who is identifying and who or what is the identity into which new phenomena are assimilated? What happens if I begin to trace this back? Where does "I" lead me? 

Is there a finite or definitive seat from which I perceive?

How might the way I live change if I no longer identified with the things that happen to me? What if I no longer were to identify with the actions I take? And with thoughts? In the absence of an identity as the receiver, doer, & thinker, who is it that remains?

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Thank you for exploring with me :) I look forward to seeing you soon!